​5 Christmas Movies that aren’t Merry

It’s Christmas time and you want to wrap yourself in a blanket and sit around all day sipping on hot chocolate while you watch TV. If you’re tired of watching feel good films which don’t end in explosions and violence but want everything to stay Christmasy, here are five movies which might be what you’re looking for. 

1. Die Hard

Bruce Willis. Check. Guns. Check. Terrorists. Check. 

There aren’t many people who haven’t seen Die Hard but for the few who haven’t, now might be a good time to check it out. 

John McClane is at a boring Christmas party when a group of terrorists led by the late and great Alan Rickman storm the building and take everyone hostage. 

It’s now up to one cop to take all the baddies out with guns, fists and quotable dialogues.

 It’s a near perfect action movie and is ultimately about family and kicking ass. 

2. Lethal Weapon

All hell breaks loose when a woman decides to commit suicide by jumping off a building. Evidence is found which leads indicates that this suicide might be a homicide. Danny Glover is on the case and he’s simply too old for this shit. 

He’s on the case with Mel Gibson who often doesn’t look like he wants to live a long and healthy life. 

This mismatched duo has to take on the people responsible for this while engaging in gunfights, car chases and being tortured. Oh and did I mention it takes place during Christmas? Yeah it’s Christmas alright. 
3. Kiss Kiss Bang Bang

Robert Downey Jr. hasn’t been asked to play Iron Man so as Harry Lockhart, he’s making do by robbing toy shops.

A series of random events lands him a part in a movie and now he’s in Los Angeles taking detective lessons with Gay Perry (Val Kilmer) for research purposes.

All hell breaks loose when bodies start turning up wherever they goes and now they have to try to figure out what the hell is actually going on while avoiding being killed or having one of their fingers cut off (one of these two things happen). 

So as they go around trying to get rid of the same body over and over again, they realise that this murder is somehow connected to a greater conspiracy which Harry is way too daft to comprehend all at once. 

Christmas is a great time to go on a wild goose chase even if you don’t know whether you’re chasing it or it’s chasing you. 

4. The Nice Guys

Ryan Gosling plays an alcoholic private detective who’s asked to look into the mysterious circumstances revolving around the death of a pornstar. Russel Crowe plays a dude who beats people up for money and gets involved in this case when it turns out him and Ryan Gosling are looking for the same person. The movie’s got guns, car chases, bad haircuts and giant killer bees. The 70s were a weird. Doesn’t a good conspiracy make Christmas a lot brighter? Check out my review for this movie here

5. Home Alone

Everyone has seen this movie. Literally everyone. So why is a movie about learning the true value of one’s own family on this list? Well if you take in the fact that this movie is about a child who is abandoned by his family after being ill-treated by them and is so deeply affected by it that he wishes they never come back and is happy that he made them disappear. Also, when he realises his house is being robbed he decides not call the cops and instead tortures the robbers mercilessly by setting up traps all over the place so they get burned, impaled and shot. 

This kid’s got issues. 

That’s my list and I hope you have a Merry Christmas, you filthy animal. 


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